Who the F is Alice?
by AussieNinjaChick
Summary: Based on the song Who the F is Alice. Ali leaves without knowing how Jaz feels. AU, AH. T for now.
1. Who the F is Alice?

**Obviously, the title of the song indicates that there will be some course (lol. What a funny adjective) language, but seriously, who above grade 3 hasn't heard **_**bad words**_**.**

**Based on the song 'Who the fuck is Alice' by Smokie.**

AU. AH.

Jasper's Pov

Rose called when she got the word,  
She said: "I suppose you've heard - About Alice."  
Well I rushed to the window, and I looked outside, but I could hardly believe my eyes as a big limousine rolled up into Alice's drive...

_Oh Shit!!_ The driver was loadin' bag after bag of Alice's stuff into the boot of the limo – She was leavin'.

Oh, I don't know why she's leavin' or where she's gonna go. I guess she's got her reasons, but I just don't want to know 'cos for twenty-four years I've been livin' next door to Alice.

Edward and Emmet swung open my front door and walked in as if they owned the place as I mumbling about Alice.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?!" Emmett boomed. Edward shook his head, laughing at his stupid bear of a brother. He pointed out the window to the house next door. The one with the green fence and matching tiles on the roof. It had been there for about 25 years, but was painted regularly. Alice's family built it so they could move in. The house was pretty ugly, but I didn't watch the house for the colour scheme; I watched for _her_.

"Alice," Edward began. "is the little pixie that's been living next to Jazzy-boy for twenty…?" He trailed off, so I picked up.

"She's been livin' there for 24 years; I was 2 when she was born."

"Twenty-four years just waitin' for a chance to tell her how I'm feelin', maybe get a second glance. Now I've got to get used to not livin' next door to Alice. " I told them sadly. Emmett looked like he was about to break down into a laughin' fit, but Edward looked sympathetic.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?" Jacob quizzed as he walked through my open front door. I sighed as I explained again.

"Grew up together, two kids in the park. Carved our initials deep in the bark - Me and Alice." I remembered.

"Well… maybe you could talk to her before she leaves… I don't know… some crap like on the movies Rachel watches; those girly ones."

I was about to respond when we heard the driver call out next door so we rushed to the window like a bunch of teenage girls.

Now she walks through the door with her head held high. Just for a moment I caught her eye as a big limousine pulled slowly out of Alice's drive.

Oh, I don't know why she's leavin' or where she's gonna go. I guess she's got her reasons, but I just don't want to know 'cos for twenty-four years I've been livin' next door to Alice.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?!" Jessica Stanley yelped as she came in too.

_Who the hell let her in!?_ Jessica had a… thing about my friends and me- If we had a love interest she wanted to know… probably just to corner them in a dark alley and clear the path for her. Ha! In her dreams! So Em, Edward, Jake and I all explained to Jessica who Alice is… was.

Twenty-four years just waitin' for a chance to tell her how I'm feelin', maybe get a second glance. Now I gotta get used to not livin' next door to Alice...

"Oh well." Em said as he stretched his arms over his head and leaned back on the couch. "We'll find you a new chick and you can forget Alice."

"Alice, who the fuck is Alice?" My dad asked as he popped his head in through the door from the kitchen – Yes, I still lived with my parents… why would I move away from Alice?

"The neighbour." I reminded him. He nodded his head.

"Oh yeah. She got some job as a fashion designer or whatever. Moved out to the city. Those Brandons got loads of money, doubt she'll be back." He told us before shuffling back into the kitchen to find some cake.

_Never come back? Never come back!?_ It felt as though I was on fired and frozen at the same time. _Shit._ I was probably about to cry.

"Ok, see ya guys." I said, trying to keep my voice even. They gave each other looks before Edward shooed them out.

3 days later I was still mopin' around my room, missin' Alice. I hadn't' spoken to her for like… 3 months, but that didn't mean I didn't watch her in a slightly obsessed manner.

Rose called back, asked how I felt,  
She said: "I know how to help - Get over Alice!"  
Jess said: "Now Alice is gone -But I'm still here. You know I've been waiting for twenty-four years..." Ugh! Stupid cow!

I doubt I'll ever stop missin' her. The way she looks first thing in the mornin' as she goes out to grab the paper. The way she smiles as she dances around her livin' room. How she's always wearin' somethin' completely different, but still beautiful. But most of all I'll miss her laugh. Her laugh sounds like a hundred bells all tinklin' in perfect harmony.

Now I'll never get used to not livin' next door to Alice...

**Want another chapter? What did you think… it's pretty short, but it's the first thing I've written since like…last week.**

**Please Review! Even if it's just one word!**


	2. Leaving on a JetPlane

**Dedicated to 07bellaedward- thank you for your awesome reviewing skillz!**... **and beating all my friends at our reviewing race.**

Leaving on a Jet-Plane – John Denver

Alice's Pov

All my bags are packed.

I'm ready to go.  
I'm standing here outside your door.  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.  
But the dawn is breaking  
It's early morn.

I stared at Jasper's front door. I shook my head as I walked back to my house to wait for my limo. I desperately wanted to say goodbye to Jasper, but even more I wish I didn't have to say goodbye. I wanted to stay here with Jasper, but he didn't even know I existed. It was moths since we last talked. He would never know how I felt. He would never know how I watched his every move with attention bordering on obsession. Sometimes I could swear he was watching me too, but it had to be my imagination.

I went for another walk around my house, remembering how it looked, how it felt, the smells of the weird incense Mom liked to burn and just how it was. I traced my fingers along photos and laughed as I remembered the memories that went with them.

I came to one of Jasper and me when we were 4 and 6. We were sitting on the trampoline next to each other, dripping wet after swimming in the pool. We each had an ice-cream, mine was chocolate, his strawberry. We were laughing as we both stretched out our arm to the other one so we could taste each other's ice-creams. We both had pink and brown smudges all over our faces. Tears sprang to my eyes as I looked at us. I picked up another one of us. He was 8 and I was 6. We were walking through the trees behind Jasper's house. Our backs were to the camera as we made our way hand in hand towards our cubby. **(a/n A cubby is sort of like a tree-house, but it's one the ground.)** I ouched my finger tips to his head and traced the beloved shape.

"I'm going to miss him so much." I whispered. I looked at a few more pictures from my childhood, ones with Jasper, the Cullen boys-Emmett and Edward, Rosalie, Bella and a few other people. I walked into my parents' room and knelt down beside my mother.

"Mom?" I whispered until she became half-awake. "Can I take some of the pictures?" She nodded sleepily so I kissed her cheek and danced out of the room. I took almost every single one of Jasper and me, ranging from when he was 3 to 22. That was the most recent picture I had of him.

I pulled back my curtain to look at his house. I could see people moving around so I thought about going over there. But what would I say?!

_Hello Jasper. I've practically been stalking you. I'm also in love with you and never want to leave your side. Please tell me to stay! Pick me! Choose me! Love me!_ Great, that would be lovely, just dandy as if quoting Greys Anatomy was bad enough.

Another hour past as I sat around waiting for the stupid limo to get here. I didn't want to leave!!

"You were the one who wanted to be a fashion designer." I reminded myself. Finally the limo pulled up outside and a man who really needed a haircut started loading my many bags into the boot. I looked longingly at Jasper's house. I stood in the doorway, just watching, memorising his house.

The limo's waiting.  
He's blowing his horn.  
Already I'm so lonesome  
I could die

The driver called out, telling me to hurry up. As I stepped out of the doorway and onto the path I looked to Jasper's window. I could see his friends crowded around him, but I was only focusing on him. Our eyes locked and like a magnet I was caught. I stepped into the limo with out breaking eye contact.

I turned around and kneeled on the seat. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched the man I loved fade into the distance.

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go

But I know he wouldn't. Even if it wasn't too late, he probably didn't think of me like that. I sniffled quietly the whole way to the airport. Leaving my little home town of Tennessee, I was headed to New York… ew. I would miss my home. I was starting to realise how much I'd miss.

_Why leave then?_ Because I had to be a major fashion designer. _Fashion Designer .vs. Mrs. Alice Whitlock?_ Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! This is what I wanted.

'cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
Don't know when Ill be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down  
So many times I've played around  
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing  
Every place I go, Ill think of you  
Every song I sing, Ill sing for you

I had to come back. I knew that much. I would come back… I hope.

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